i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
