I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
