I cockslap morals
just tell him i said nine months
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
