At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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