I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
