His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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