I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
