Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
