I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
