i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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