this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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