i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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