the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
