The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
