Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
