Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize