If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
