yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
