Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
