Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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