And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
