her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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