Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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