My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
