Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
