I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
