one two three fourrrrnication!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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