If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
