Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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