We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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