last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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