I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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