Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
