I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
