My first STD was from a foam party
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
