i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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