Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
