just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Small penises have feelings too.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
