good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
