Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
