hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
