but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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