I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
