i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
