Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
