She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
