One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
