I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
