PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
