Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Still dying that you shit outside
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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