Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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