I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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