I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
