I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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