No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
