so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Drunk is not a location!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
