why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize