Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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