Screwed.edu
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
