...so i touched it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
