i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
