she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
