There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
