You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize