there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
