So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
