was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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