love makes seman taste better
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
