Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
